If this is an obligation I will never do it. Sort of like my homework that I am literally avoiding like the plague. The Black Plague. My homework. I’m sitting here staring at this textbook, and I wouldn’t mind if it bursted into flames. Actually I wouldn’t mind for about the first 3 minutes of burning, and then I would no doubt realize that I can’t finish my course without it which would lead to feelings of great remorse and regret.
All of this time alone this summer has been weird. I don’t even feel like talking about it, but I can sum it up by saying I’m bored, but I have a ton of things to do…so like…I guess I’m figuring out how to deal with that. I need a schedule. And a kitten.
I wish that I didn’t need to learn anything more about literacy. 3 more classes after these two. Then I am OFF schooling for a while. Like. Come on.
I have learned that I must look at everything in a positive way or life is pretty negative and sad. There’s my two sense for the evening for anyone who cares, or anyone who is exposed to this writing which is noone because I never write. Might be a good idea to start.
I can honestly say that right now is the weirdest time of my entire life.
I never thought that the time after college would be such a gigantic transition. I thought that going from classes to a job would be easy, and that living in an apartment while I did it would be the best ever. I was wrong. This transition period is such a debilitating experience. I can already tell that this is the time where people grow up and learn those life lessons that you don’t understand as a teenager, or even college student. I’m learning that having a big group of friends isn’t logical as an adult, and that the true friends are the ones that stick around. I’ve learned that severed relationships are sometimes necessary, and that strength in yourself is the most important. I’m learning how to be truly “alone” for the first time in my entire life.
By alone, I mean making huge life decisions by myself. I’ve realized over the past couple of months that I am devoid of any knowlege of self-sufficiency, and I admit, I am a bit ashamed. I have never had to clean up after myself..I have never had to wash clothes or dishes.. I have never had to work.. I have never had to make important phone calls…. I have never had to do anything that makes me uncomfortable or unhappy. While I consider myself very very very lucky for having a family who let me live a beautiful, fantastic life, I am a little overwhelmed with all of the learning experiences I am having to go through now as a self-sufficient adult. I learn something new, whether it be at my job or at my apartment, every day. The mundain things are the things people like me don’t know how to do- for instance, when washing multiple loads of clothes (because I let myself get to where I have multple loads of clothes- example in itself,) are you allowed to go to bed whilst one load is in the wash? What happens when it stops and I am in deep slumber? How long is it allowed to sit there, wet, before mildewing? This is just one of the many things I’ve had to ask my sweet friends to explain to me…and this probably wasn’t the best, most ridiculous example, but it was the first that popped into my head.
I’m having so many life revelations lately, and I feel like God is shaking me up so I can get it focused on Him. I’ve struggled with my career choices for the past four years, and after working at a law firm directly after college, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am supposed to be a teacher. My scores on the Praxis tests may tell me differently (we will see on September 8,) but I just feel so lead to be a teacher. I have been so, and I hate to say this, JEALOUS of all of the new teachers starting their experiences this year, and I can’t wait until it’s me that starts the school year with my own classes of students.
It’s weird how things slowly fall into place, and I feel like my journey is nowhere near over, but I am thrilled with the new things I’m learning about myself every day. I have a beautiful relationship with a beautiful person- I have great friends- and I am slowly becomming the person I will be. It’s weird becomming a “grown-up,” and I think it always will be, but I’m learning that I’m ready.
I went for a job interview today, and I feel pretty good about it. Crossing my fingers that everything goes well as it is ABSOLUTELY necessary that I find a place to live and live there and prosper as an independant person.
Getting things together for Masters program is annoying. ANNOYING.
Things I need:
Yandon to be with me.
Also, I need something to do tonight. I’m so bored.
Will write later. About to do it up oldschool and burn some cds.
For this to be my last week of school, I’m in a pretty funk state of mind currently.
So much work to be done- so little time.
My people are the misfits I won’t let you down I’m dizzy from whatever we’ve just passed around I bleed for the moments when you’re here and we’re all around Tick tick, tell me where the time goes Oh life, you know it moves much too slow Tick tick, tell me where the time goes
Tonight I went GEOCACHING. For those of you (the probably 3 people that read this) that don’t know what Geocaching is, it’s basically an application on Iphones that leads you to little presents hidden around whereever you are with hints and such- a scavenger hunt, of sorts. People just hide little presents around town and you find them and sign your name. We found 2 for 5 that we looked for, so we weren’t totally successful, but I would venture to say it was probably one of the coolest things ever…in the world…ever. Had a great time- look forward to doing it again.
Here’s a thought I had today whilst listening to some “Of Montreal” (thanks Landon): most of the things we do in society are just things that we’ve always done. We don’t even stop to think about whether or not there is a better way to do things, or even if half of the things we do are necessary. I’ll tell you this- there is usually a better way, and most of the things we do aren’t necessary- subconcious obligations. I bet if the entire population of this world we live in decided to just do what they do and to put aside the usual, things would A. run a lot more smoothly B. be a lot more fun and C. make a lot more sense to those of us that think about it.
Speaking of obligations…
The other day, I thought about the concept of obligation- and I think when it really gets down to it, feeling obligated to do something- like going to someone’s wedding, for instance, even if you don’t want to- is making that event about you. In other words, I think obligation is a selfish feeling. Sure, it’s important to be at these events to support your peers, but if you are going for the mere fact that you feel like you have to, you are involving yourself a little too much in someone’s life, if you ask me. I don’t want anyone to feel obligated to be at anything I ever have- I want people to genuinely want to be there. Obligation is a consequence of thoughts I mentioned above. We do things because we are supposed to (obligated to.) Yep. aaannnnddd AHthankyouuu.
So yeah. Those are a few things that braved the depths of my mind this fine evening.
cool. other, less thoughtful things:
I wore a flannel shirt today. Yes, it’s your shirt. No, you are never getting it back. You know who you are.
(It’s Landon’s. I just really felt like being ambiguous. Also, I just really felt like using the word “ambiguous.”)
Goodnight, world. I’m going to rot my brain with some South Park.
I’m going to eat mexican right now. It is absolutely necessary to my survival. Lots of people have annoyed me today. I have a debilitating crick in my neck and it is making me very sad. Landon yelled a lot in his sleep last night. I thought it was hilarious. Ok. I will write more later.
I am so ready to escape the petty B.S. that is college. Though it makes me feel old, I’m so ready to move on to the next phase of life that I can’t even deal with it. Maybe it’s the possibilities that await upon graduation. I would say my only negative feelings of life are all connected to college at this point. Off it.
On a positive note, I had a pretty cool weekend with my two faves. It was pretty “magical” one might say. I can’t wait until those days are more frequent.
I’m off to work on my Spanish presentation. Perhaps I will write a little more later.
I spent my weekend with my best friend, Dustin in a little place called Andalusia, AL this weekend. I’ve missed him so much and it was such a breath of fresh air to be able to spend time with him again (he has been living in NYC since January.)
We had lots of good conversation in our travels. To recap everything we talked about would be impossible, but it was really incredible.
I’ve got Landon on my mind. I miss him. Summer days together will be perfection.
I just realized that my “summer days” do not end in August…In 4 weeks I will be done with school forever….I’m getting older… Yikes.